Observations and tidbits from the life of America's most prolific book author.
I was born in a log cabin in Des Plaines, Ill. I split rails for the local railroads and built landing strips for the jet airplanes that scream overhead every five minutes. I convulsively peer into the sky to this day, looking for interference from the heavens.
I wrote a column called So It Goes for my local paper for $5 a week. I was able to buy a house in the city of Chicago with this fortune, where I have been ever since.
Haunted by ghosts of ex-tenants and ex-wives, I surrounded myself for protection with computers, wires, televisions, appliances, nose hair clippers, sprinkler systems, musical instruments, and other gadgets. Suddenly, in middle age, my comfortable existence was shattered by fatherhood, which rendered all pets and mechanical instruments irrelevant.
Have been obsessed with being a doting father and struggling to pay book bills and musical lesson fees ever since.
Wrote a book on online dating years before I tried it. Have retired from this after repeated failures followed--miraculously--by success.
New profession: chauffeur to two teenage girls who talk to me occasionally.
Ambition: contentment.
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1 Comments:
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